Day 12- The little things

This morning I was holding my “Good morning Gorgeous” coffee mug and for the first time noticed how skew the wording was printed on it. I bought this mup for my dear mother in law that passed away in 2019. I inherited the mup in an ironic turn of events. This was the last item that she touched when she had her last cup of coffee before her first stroke. So it is a very special mug.. When I bought it, it clearly didn’t bother me. Looking at it this morning, the uneven printing irritated the living daylights out of me. I then looked at the table I was sitting at. Some parts of the glass is unevenly attached to the frame.. Whoooow!! How did I not see this when I bought it? Some parts have little particles stuck in it. My thought was that I definitely had to clean it out with a toothbrush.. In my cupboard when getting dressed, the hangers hanging in different heights jumped out at me. This set the tone more or less for the rest of my day. There wasn’t one thing that I was content with. Every single thing, from my hairbrush to Johan’s thumb that I discovered today, is shorter than a normal thumb. Have you ever been in this situation where you got such a rude awakening that you feel robbed of the truth? It didn’t get any better. Not one single thing was seen in the same light as before. Herman finally went to bed early to avoid my ranting and raving.. This was a frustration because I was left with switching off the lights and closing and locking everything up. A hell of a task.. Especially when locks have tricks and light switches are temperamental. When I finally got In bed tonight even Herman irritated me. He has this way of snoring where his lips part and a “puff” sound escapes. This is the first stage when he goes into a deeper sleep. So I woke him.. Its not fair that I have to be exposed to his puffing whilst I can’t sleep. Side note - Lets be honest. If roles were switched I wouldn’t have handled it quite as graciously as he did at this point… He woke up after being poked in his side with an elbow – wide eyed. “ you are snoring! Its keeping me up. Please turn around.” “Im sorry… Ill try my best not to snore again” Turned around and went back to sleep. No fighting … no irritation .. nothing… I realised then that I was looking for a fight. It gave me not pleasure that he was calm and collective even when being awaken in such a rude manner. At this stage guilt kicked in. I felt like an utter cow. Investigating my feelings Ive come to the realisation that I was the problem. I have oh so many reasons why I’m allowed to feel this way.. Being locked up.. having kids around me all day without ANY privacy… cooking , cleaning being at everyone’s beg and call. Looking deeper I had an epiphany.. Nothing changed. I changed. I looked at things from a different perspective today. I had my negative goggles on and without fault succeeded to find all the shortcomings that I was looking out for. Did the skew wording change the fact that my mom loved the cup? The table is still standing – even after my vicious cleaning attempt , my keyboard is still typing even after I abused the keys and spaces in-between to remove the dust. Johan can still use his hands even though he has shorter thumbs. Everything is still operating the same. This is applicable to every aspect of life. When we fall in love. We wear rosy love goggles. Everything is wonderful. Until life happens. Until your point of view change. Suddenly you see all the faults. Your attitude destroys your opinion and you loose out… Tomorrow Im going to try another pair of goggles. Positive ones that identifies the wonder of each object and person. Ill be the change that I want to see in others.